Tips for Back To School Shopping

This is an older post…a year ago yesterday. Anyway, it still applies. *These tips may not work well for everyone. Some side effects reported are blurred vision, constipation, diarrhea, nausea, headaches, and trouble sleeping. If these continue or are bothersome, … Continue reading

I almost died today. More serious than last time I said that.

Hmmm, where to begin…the police? Being pushed around? That strange guy picking me up? Other people asking me if I was okay?

Just so you know, I am okay. You didn’t think this evil genius would be defeated so easily right?

Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess who was locked in a tower. She became bored often with the tower that she never wanted to clean, so when the opportunity came to run an errand at the local homicide market, she happily seized the moment.

The errand went well, much to her astonishment, since she had to weave her way through mazes, with demons lurking all around. Since she made it through the homicide market in record time, she decided to run a less important errand to the land of “Spending on Junk”.

After she spent her well-earned time and plenty of money in the Spending part of town, she prepared for the return journey home. She organized the merchandise she had wasted her money on and departed at a steady clip toward her tower which she kept wishing would have magically cleaned itself.

She was less than a mile away, when suddenly and without warning her steed stopped mid stride. Weirdeth, she thought, and attempted to bribe, coerce, coax, etc. her steed into moving. Alas, it was not to be.

To make matters worse, her horse had stopped in the middle of an extreme danger zone. Demons were riding around on monstrosities designed to tear limbs away from bodies, and other horrendous things. Maybe I could push him to a safer area the princess thought to herself, but then remembered the night many years ago when a “let’s make life harder than it already is” angel of mischief touched her body. Her health had deteriorated since then to the point where she could only push things, especially heavy things with the help of her steed, which needed help now.

She got her magic summoner out of her side pouch and summoned the dark lords of the homicide market to attempt to earn some sympathy before being torn apart by the mad dash of demons who would rather play with their own summoning devices than watch who might be in the way of their exit from hell.

Then, a white-haired maiden appeared out of no where and asked the princess if she needed help. The princess was very grateful for the assistance in getting out of the middle of the road. The white-haired maiden pushed the princess and her steed into a shady spot in hell’s parking lot. Soon the princess was approached by others who offered their own assistance, and her fairy mother in law came and picked up the stuff from the “Spending on Junk” store. Her fairy mother in law also went to the princess’s house to assist the princesses pets in entering the house when they got done with obedience school.

Meanwhile, an officer of the law found the princess and used his summoning device to summon a strange man with a “steed equipped” van to transport the princess and her steed home.

The end.

Kind of, except now the princess is down one magical steed and must use her donkey to transport her around, while she waits on the steed vets to fix whatever is wrong with her bigger/stronger ride. Hopefully whatever it is will be under some kind of warranty because those particular steeds are about 30,000 dollars. (Someone is obviously ripping someone off with those things).

The more real for being a fairy tale end.

This still might not be as serious as what it, in theory could be, but it was the middle of the exit of a highschool parking lot when school was getting out. If that isn’t death-defying, I don’t know what is.

Learning: And The Point Is?

If you have school age kids, especially if they are in middle school, odds are you have heard “I don’t know why we have to learn this stuff anyway” a few hundred times. Like most parents, I explain that one day they will have to balance a checkbook, measure something, play “Who Want’s to Be a Millionaire?” or some other example of why it is necessary to learn what “x to the 3rd power divided by the square root of 318” is.

One of the biggest problems I have with this particular “why” question is that I don’t like lying to my kids. Unless you become a professor, or something like that, odds are you will never use half the stuff you learn in school. Even if you did become a science professor, why did you have to learn geography? If you are a mathematician, do you really need to know how to properly diagram a sentence?

Don’t get me wrong, I love school. I think it is great for kids to know all kinds of stuff, plus it is wonderful to get them out of the house for a few hours. I just don’t know the best way to answer the “why do I have to learn this” question. I have started to tell my kids that “To be honest, you won’t actually need to know the capitals of each state and country throughout the world, but they aren’t going to let you graduate until you do, so just put it in your “school-term memory” and deal with it.”

That seems to satisfy them until the next painful subject area comes up. Thankfully, if you tell your kids the truth, that they don’t actually need to know all the subjects other than to pass school; you can give them the same answer each time they ask.

One day they will be old enough to go on Jeopardy and then call to tell you “You were wrong mom, I did need to learn that. Thanks for making me lose.” When that happens, just remember that without your guidance, they might have become physicists or astronauts or something, in which case they would have put you through another 8 to 10 years of “Why do we have to learn this?”