Satan Cracks Me Up

I’ve tuned into a Jesus Devotee this year. He’s taken over all of my social media, and the rest of my life. I got saved as a child but after a life of trials had come to the conclusion that we were probably all right.

Then all the stuff earlier this year (see blog)and now I’m a Jesus freak, so, whatever. Anyway, back to Satan. He doesn’t like me because I’m so into Jesus, even though I love Satan too, in some ways.

God and me love everyone. Anyway, the other day he started messing with my ears. Now they ring all the time.

He thinks he can make me forget to tell everyone that Satan exists only in your head. It is hard, and I can’t do it while writing this because I’m looking at a screen.

When I’m done being my head to write, I’m going to tell my brain to shut up and to quit being such a narcissist. Then I’m going to close my eyes and be my body and soul. You can too.

A few last minute Christmas gift ideas for husbands:

Write him a book: The great thing about this idea is that you don’t actually have to write a whole book…your husband probably won’t read it anyway. Just write a few pages, dedicate the book to him, and then paste those pages into some romantic book like “Lady and the Tramp”. A new book cover and you are ready to go.

The Sleep Inducer: What! You haven’t heard of this? Well here is the link:

Coupon booklet: If you have children they have probably made you a few of these, but basically you just write a few “coupons” for housework or other things. The great thing about this gift is that after Christmas, your hubby will leave this book lying around somewhere. Before he gets a chance to cash the coupons in, just hide the book. Your husband will not want to get into a fight about how he could have lost the book you worked so hard on, so he will probably not even mention that it is missing.

A blow up doll: Not that kind…you and your dirty minds. One of those things that you blow up and then punch…it’s like a punching bag, but cheaper and easier to wrap. They come in all sorts of characters like Mickey Mouse and Sponge Bob. Your hubby needs something that he can take his frustrations out on and it can be a great workout.*

Bows: One of the great things about Christmas is that you can slap a bow on something and it suddenly becomes a gift. Bows can be conveniently stuck to almost anything that your husband seems to enjoy…guns, tv, money, body parts, etc.

Merry Christmas and Good Luck!

*These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA.

OAA: Still week 9

When we left our overanalyzers last week, Jill has confessed to murdering her parents. Jerry seems to be getting a tad frustrated, but he doesn’t kill anyone yet.

Jerry: I thought I told you to shut up boy! Alright Jill, I almost killed you for taking your brother’s turn, but after that story I can see that you are more delusional than Bill is. Nobody move. I have to sit down. Does anyone have an aspirin?


Sue: I have an ibuprofen in my purse. I’m sorry it is not aspirin. I heard that wasn’t too good for you. Then I heard that it can help prevent heart attacks.

Jerry: ibuprofen is fine (sighs). Bill, I want to hear your story next.

Bill: Why? Is there something you haven’t told us? Are you one of the “Walmart” or rather “Walk Smart” people? I knew they would find me. Ever since I told this group about their connection to the aliens, I have been looking over my shoulder.

Jerry: You already were a paranoid freak. Just because I was here for the snacks doesn’t mean I didn’t hear you all talking.

Bill: Exactly! So, what did you do, bug the table?

Jerry: No! I didn’t bug anything!

Bill: Whatever you need to tell yourself Jerry. I know these things. Ever since I was abducted I can sense alien stuff.

Jerry: Maybe I should kill myself instead of you all.

Sue: Don’t say that Jerry. You are a part of this group. We care about you.

Jerry: Bill, finish your damn story.

Bill: Okay, although that wasn’t a very nice way to talk. I guess you can’t really expect much from aliens though.

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away a little alien was being sent away by his parents. This alien was very special indeed because when he got angry, his true green would come to the surface, hell-bent on destruction. As much as this alien was mean, he was also nice. He cared very much for the destitute, and he would often rob from the rich and give to the poor.

Jerry: Woah Bill…that sounds like a montage of movies.

Bill: Well yeah! You think I am going to tell my real story? To an alien insider? I’m not stupid Jerry. I’m not going to play along with your silly games.

Jerry: Why did I even try asking you for your story? I should have known much more than that. Alright Sue, let’s hear from you now.


I think I need an intervention…

Don’t worry PMAO. This is not about the drugs. Fellow bloggers. My friends. I may need help. It has been three years since my last confession. What am I talking about? I’m not catholic. Okay, help please. I was starting … Continue reading


Trifextra‘s challenge: Write an original fable in 33 words. (Hobbler’s note: I used the second definition on this challenge because it seemed more fun than the third definition would have been. Please do not vote for me).

Poor bird couldn’t tweet

But his bark couldn’t be beat

He tried showing another bird

Noise was all it heard.

Tweeting learned, he showed his friend

Alas, the cat heard in the end.

Moral of the story: A misunderstood genius is better than a loudmouthed fool.

Bedtime Stories: Feeding Monsters

There once was a pretty girl. She listened to her teachers and her parents. She kept her room clean and she played the piano well. All in all, great kid. She loved to brush her long  blond hair. As she … Continue reading