Recently I was provided a character for the OAA. Okay, so it wasn’t too recently, but I have been busy. Sorry. Anyway, thank you Titilategorillas for this character. If you haven’t read his analysis of this guy, you have to. Why? Because I said so…you guys are just like my kids. Just do it. It is for your own good. Read the long version. It is a masterpiece of overanalysis. Read all about it here: http://titilategorillas.wordpress.com/about/. I’m waiting…still waiting. Don’t read this until you read his character. Okay, ready now?
OAA Meeting…I think this is technically week 6.
Bob: Welcome to Over Analyzers Anonymous. Wow, the room is really filling up!
Sue: (Thinking) Is he saying I am getting fat? I knew I shouldn’t have eaten that last jelly donut this morning. Another relationship down the drain because of a stupid donut. Well, I guess technically it wasn’t a relationship, but we had a connection…I could feel it…Oh no, I think I just missed what he was saying because I was thinking to myself. Shoot, maybe he will say it again…
Bob: Does that make sense? Anyway, we had better get this thing started if we want to give the newcomers a chance to tell us a little about themselves. Let’s start with you.
Jack: Hi. I’m Jack, and this is my buddy Joe. We really came here more for him than for me. You see, Joe is one of the biggest overanalyzers I know. It makes sense why he would be, if you think about it. After all, he is really tall for a half-chinese guy, and he was the only asian looking guy in his town, so that has to make him feel subconscious. Honestly, I think it made him a little judgemental too. Not that there is anything really wrong with that. Sometimes you have to be able to distinguish between what is good and what’s not. He might not even realize he is doing it, which is funny because the guy pretty much lives inside his own head.
Wouldn’t that be weird? To live inside your head? For some people that would be like living in a tornado. Other people would have a neat and tidy head because they are OCD. I always say that OCD is overanalysis in motion. They just have to tidy their world because if they don’t, their minds will have so much to overanalyze that it would probably kill them.
Not literally, well, I guess maybe it could literally kill someone if they were so OCD that they put their rat poison in a container from the container store, and one day their prankster friend came and switched the lids, not knowing that the rat poison was poison, because the OCD guy wouldn’t have wanted to clutter the container by putting a label on it, so he just trusted it to stay in the same place with the same lid until the crazy prankster guy came and killed him by switching the lids.
Can you imagine the guilt that would cause? I mean, for the rest of your life you would know that your nutcase friend died because you wanted to just mess with him. That is why I don’t get the whole concept of April Fool’s day. Actually, I have participated in it a few times, but my pranks were always well thought out and they wouldn’t even come close to hurting anyone. I’m sure the hypothetical prankster who switched the hypothetical lids didn’t intend on hurting anyone either though. That is the hard thing about friendships, and relationships in general. There is always someone who hurts someone else, and most of the time it is not intentional at all. One time there…
Bob: Excuse me, I am sorry to interrupt, but we should probably give Joe a chance to tell us a little about himself before our time is gone.
Joe: (Looks up from pretending to text someone) umm, Hi. I’m Joe.
Bob: Damn it Jerry! You ate all the snacks again! Look, I have tried to be nice, but this is getting a little ridiculous. If you want a soup kitchen, there is one right down the street, but we are trying to get serious stuff done here!
Jerry: (Flips the bird and starts pushing the shopping cart out the door while mumbling to himself)
Jill: Was that really called for Bob, he was just trying to get a snack?
Bill: Give it a rest Jill…he is obviously here to infiltrate our group just when we were beginning to trust each other.
Sue: (Thinking) He is kind of sexy when he is mad. Oh, what am I doing? This is stupid. He just called you fat, and now you are obsessing over him again? You are losing it. – Umm, where is Becky?
Bob: She left a note on the door that she had work to do, something about stalking…
Jack: Well, it has been a pleasure to meet all of you. I would have liked to get to know each of you better, but I guess there aren’t enough hours in the day. Actually, that is a kind of cliché line. There are enough hours in a day to get to know you, but we all have lives that only rarely intersect. Oh, what a tangled web we weave…
Joe: (Doesn’t say anything. Starts to text)
Bob: Sorry for the outburst guys. I think I have just been a little stressed lately. Maybe next week we can give Joe a chance to tell us a little more about himself. Until then, have a great night.
Everyone leaves and Bob doesn’t know why he feels a little like crying…