Speaking of things that suck

By nature I’m not a whiner. By nature I am a liar though, especially when it comes to talking about how much I whine. Anyway, there is a pity party going on this weekend. Not here! I would never do something like that. That was another lie, kind of. The pity party is here, but it is also on other blogs that I suckered talked into it, and it should be on your blog, so write your own pity party and link to me. I will add all the links to a post so you can jump around to all the blogs and have fun. (Many of these pity parties are actually incredibly funny, so go).

Before I re-link to all of them, I just have to say that I woke up feeling super sick. It was horrible. I think I caught the man flu by going to LifeInTheFarceLane’s blog, so when you click here link, wear a mask or something so you don’t get the flu too.

Rebecca2000: WTF Friday #4 (Only a partial pity party, but anyway).

Roly: Hobbler’s Pity Party, and Pity Party Pooper Too (He whines too much for just one whiny post)

LifeInTheFarceLane: Pity party, party pooper? (Wear your mask for this one, or you might catch man flu).

Lisa Summerlin: All In A Day’s Whine (A little whiny, but whatever)

Love and Lunchmeat: Oh, the Things I Could Do If I Were More Like Martha and Double Plus Not Good (I had forgotten her first. I suck at remembering things. Now she added another because she was so mad that I forgot).

Edward Hotspur: Hobbler’s Pity Party (Not a very whiny post at all. He usually whines better).

Bats: Pity Party USA via Hobbler (Unselfish whining designed to make us real whiners look bad).

Mooselicker: His blog (Hasn’t actually written a pity party post, but he’s been whining in my comments).

SandyLikeABeach: Fake Pity Party (Not her actual title, but that is what it is).

Hobbler: It’s My Party and I’ll Cry If I Want To, Whiners of the World Unite (Professional complainer and writer extraordinaire)

Hopefully I’ve complained enough about their pity parties to give them material to write more. This party is supposed to go on through Monday. There are also many others who said they would write one, but they haven’t yet. When they (or you) write one and link up, I will re-post the links.

*Also, most of what I said about the blogs above is a lie. They are actually excellent pity parties. Sorry.


Trifextra‘s challenge: Write an original fable in 33 words. (Hobbler’s note: I used the second definition on this challenge because it seemed more fun than the third definition would have been. Please do not vote for me).

Poor bird couldn’t tweet

But his bark couldn’t be beat

He tried showing another bird

Noise was all it heard.

Tweeting learned, he showed his friend

Alas, the cat heard in the end.

Moral of the story: A misunderstood genius is better than a loudmouthed fool.

Spam worth talking about

“This is a comment to the admin…blah, blah, blah…I see you could have more visitors because there are not many comments on your website yet…blah, blah, blah…Hope this helps. Take care.”

This spam on my blog? I have awards for talking too much…

Political Drama: A Little Like Reality TV

When I was a child I remember my parents basically shutting the world down when the President was on tv.

Tonight…now…is the State of the Union Address. I might be the only one, but I am a little annoyed at all the coverage on it. I am watching “Fatal Beauty: 15 Most Notorious Women”.

I really don’t think I’m unpatriotic or anything like that. I love my country, I just don’t really enjoy the politics. Speeches from politicians just seem like another work of fiction to me, and honestly, we have better writers on WordPress.

I don’t think “reality tv” is actual reality either, so I hope no one takes these views personally. I just prefer to watch real stuff tonight, like women who have lied, killed, or other things which have been proven in court.

Ok, for the sake of my country, I switched to the President. He is talking about tax reform…I may be wrong, but I believe this stuff has been said before. Isn’t talk of tax reform copyrighted by now?

Back to reality…Number 11 deadly preacher’s wife. Now that sounds a little more plausible.

Talking – Stop the Insanity

One of the main reasons I like to write is because I hate to talk. Actually I like to talk, I just don’t like the results. Miscommunication, annoyance (why are you repeating yourself? yeah, I know, etc.), and rejection (the”listener” is actually watching tv or something) are some of the things I don’t like about talking.

Unfortunately even if you stop talking, people will still talk to you and want you to respond. It was with this mind-set that I have written yet another top ten list. Please enjoy.

Things to do instead of talk:

10. Pick your nose – the person wanting you to talk will be so grossed out that they don’t care if you don’t answer.

9. Sing your answers – it will only take a few conversations before the talkers regret conversing with you.

8. Talk with your mouth full – although most of us enjoyed this as children, it becomes a dying art as you get older…let’s bring back our childhood.

7. Bring every conversation back around to your cat (even if you don’t have one) – it won’t be long before people steer clear of “the weird cat guy/girl”. They might even tell their friends not to talk to you.

6. Adopt an accent – Australian, European, even Texan accents that are obviously fake (very important to sound fake, real accents may have the opposite effect) can be a wonderful discouragement for talkers.

5. Pretend you didn’t hear what they asked/said – after a few “what was that”, “huh”, “umm okay?” comments your talker will get tired of trying and will give up.

4. Have an onion in your pocket – This one might even prevent the talker from trying to converse with you. For the stubborn talkers, break off a piece of onion and chew it loudly like it was gum while you talk.

3. Start undressing when people talk to you – Whether or not the person likes you, undressing is enough of a distraction to make them forget what they were talking about.

2. Stare at one of their body parts and make disgusted faces while they talk to you – even the chattiest person will soon be rushing off to the restroom to see what was so gross.

1. Pretend they aren’t there – you can’t talk to what you can’t see/hear…(unless you are a celebrity on drugs or something like that).

*These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA. Use at your own risk.