Talking to You


Sometimes I just want to talk to You, God

I don’t understand why people don’t believe in You.

I don’t understand Your timeframe

I ask people every day if they believe in You and most of us do.

But some don’t

Or think that You were merely a good man who got tortured to death.

But You were God. You are God. You love humanity so much You died to save us.

But why do You love people who hate You?

I made you.

I’m the writer of the thing called life.

You are a sock. A beautiful, adventurous, and at times a smelly or damaged vessel.

I am scared that I won’t do enough or the right things.

I’m lying here in bed and haven’t actually slept in a while because my mind won’t stop.

I feel like God is calling me to tell everyone…

What God? What am I supposed to say?

God wants me to tell you that time is short. Shorter for me than for most of you, but the screaming silence in my brain tells me that we need to celebrate the life we have no matter what that life looks like. If you don’t like where your adventure is going choose a new path and do it now. Jesus was God taking on the form of a sock, which is why He never wanted to be worshipped as a God during His short time in our world. He is the best writer I know and wants you to know Him. He loves you and so do I.

I’m a time traveler and I only have 2 and 1/2 more years


Before this body disappears

So I’d better make a vision board

Crafts to give away

Art from debris all over town

Signs on chair

Videos of changing your socks every day

Road art book

Bio

Play

Children’s book

Limit time on social media

Get rid of everything not related

Website, dyingwithstyle.org, update and maintain

Wait a second, that’s it?


I just have to be still and know? That You are God and I am not, so whether I spend my time stressing or smoking pot. The book was actually written by You, so in reality I don’t have shit to do, except to listen to Your quiet prompts if I want to. The choice is each of ours to make.

You wrote us choose your own adventure lives, and gave us the chance to know the Author. This Spirt of God who actually is fucking hilarious and doesn’t care if I say fuck or shit and this is my blog so deal with it. Anyway my mind has again been blown.

Okay, so personally, I like knowing the Author of Life, but fair warning if you get to know this Jesus everyone loves so much. He does a lot of crazy shit! God I love You!

Let’s talk


I’m crippled and a professional damsel in distress. Safer buckled into my wheelchair as I roll off a curb and tip the chair on its side or into another predicament.

So thanks for the chair and my unconventional life. The thing that is haunting my mind is actually considering the possibility of being back in a nursing home.

There are benefits to both.

I currently have a handicap accessible apartment in a town I love and a friend staying with me who can help with transfers and other things. However I’m not great at remembering to eat or drink much less healthy food. I also often forget or ignore my medications. I’m not great at taking care of myself.

Nursing homes provide healthy food on a regular schedule and medications given as prescribed. They also help with transfers and other physical needs. However, personal freedom is limited.

I actually think it would be nice to spend a month or so getting taken care of. Especially since I haven’t been taking care of myself well.

I also think that maybe I should just try harder to make myself take care of myself better. But there are many things I can’t do. Like cook healthier and keep my apartment clean. But maybe I could. Just because I haven’t in 39 years and my body can’t bend easily and my mind is scattered…

What do You think God? Your opinion is the one I’m searching for and You seem quiet on this one. I loved experiencing Your magic on my last stay in a home. We were so close there and even though we are still close, I think You like feeding and hydrating me well and seeing my body respond to correct medication levels. I think You like using me to spread Your love to the people that surround me whether at my apartment or in a home. So which is better?

Should I try to stay or try to go, or just be still because You already know that in reality I’m not in control. Help me have peace with how this plays out. And in the meantime I’ll try not to doubt. The Love I know so much about. Your will be done God, whether here or there. I’m so glad You are everywhere.

A reason not to try


I can’t get out of my head

So I come here or to some other type of social media

In the vain hope that words typed onto the screen

Will free me from the prison of my mind

I tell myself I should be writing a book

Why won’t I?

Am I so afraid I will fail that I don’t even try?

So I bleed words onto social media.

Biding my time

Waiting for the inevitable moment of realization that the time has passed.

I’ve waited too long

Maybe that’s what I’m waiting for, a reason not to try.

I need Power from a much bigger source

Your wisdom, through my veins to course.

Your direction leading the way.

Telling me softly what words to say.

The task is impossible, we both know it’s true.

Unless I do me and let You be You.

Of course I choose You


What if you were given a choice? I could stay on earth and be God’s voice. Witnessing to many sharing the Word. If it hadn’t been that still small voice I heard. “You’re a time traveler and you have three years to make a difference before your body disappears.”

You have given me kids and the man of my dreams. Yet this life is not as easy as it seems. I’m in constant pain and shit on myself. Those things are not things I can put on a shelf to live the beautiful life story You wrote.

As the tears get stuck in my throat, I ponder my choice, should I stay here or go to a magical world I’ll have eternity to know. Should I marry my love and watch my grandkids grow?

But You and I both already know it’s true. When the time comes I choose You.

Trusting God


Me – It has been a problem for so long!

Him – I know, I’ve been there the whole time.

Me – When are You going to fix it?

Him – Just a little bit longer, I’m only making us stronger.

Me – The deadline is almost here.

Him – I know.

Me – I thought I trusted You.

Him – Point made.

Me – Touché Lord. I’m still scared.

Him – Be still, and know that I am God. You can always completely trust the One who loves you so much He died for you. I’ve got this.

Me – After a day or two of continuing to stress – Okay, thank You God. I’m still scared, but I see Your hand. Making me into the human You want me to be. Help me to trust Your plan.

Him – Hold my hand. I’ll walk you through it.

Let’s get honest


I don’t know how to properly convey

Exactly what I am trying to say

So many questions are filling my mind

The truth might be something I never find

What exactly is the point

Of all this time spent on this joint

And in a land of endless time

Won’t we get bored without crime?

Forever seems so very long

On the flip side,

Life is amazing

Every second is full of intensity when you get outside of your head

There you soak in the warmth of the soft fluffy blanket you’re holding

There you notice the intricate patterns in the materials surrounding you

There you breathe in and feel the rise of your stomach

There you realize forever is a moment

To love the ones you love

Meeting friends and family

Who have been long waiting up above

But it’s okay their Saviors Lord

Has given us His Holy Word

From it we know we won’t get bored

It is a powerful two edged sword

He made a place for us to be

The humans He made and free

From hates red glare

And deaths icy touch

He loves us all so very much

He made a place for us to find

And finally be unstuck from our mind

So please learn about this Christ

Who gave us all His very life

To be with us and finally see

The humans He made us to be

Trying to write


Is like trying to breathe. Writing happens whether I want it to or not. Sometimes my fingers take charge of my brain and the letters form words and I feel like I’m flying but I stay in my chair ignoring the pain in my derrière. To bleed these words onto the page. To watch my fingers dance across their stage. I wonder what they’re about to type. Sometimes it’s scary but exciting too. Wondering what these two thumbs will do. I’m writing these words on the screen on my phone. We have such amazing technology including these gadgets which absorb much of life. The “sound of silence” found in our devices. A beautiful marvel and useful tool. A deadly distraction and a lethal fuel. Bitter seduction and two edged sword cutting and painful. Yet freeing and true. I guess the power is up to you. For now I will write and let the words drip. Speaking in silence these letters on lips. Empty my feelings, quiet my mind. Breathe in and breathe out. Stillness is mine to find.