I really debated whether or not to post this here but, whatever.

Thing is, I need people to see my struggles as well as my strength. I fell out of my chair. This video is me getting back in it. It gets way more graphic than I’m comfortable with because of the leggings I had on, but I didn’t want to fall out of my chair again in different clothes. So sorry. There is way worse porn out there.

Please, if you are not bothered by this video, go to my website: dyingwithstyle.org. I’m trying to change the world.

Life’s too short to wait around on parts.

So last week I got stuck out in the rain with my powerchair. It stopped working, and eventually we got it to the house. So today the guy came out to replace the batteries and wheels, and we were able to use his temporary joystick to get it inside, but he had to take his joystick with him.

He explained that it would be Monday before he could order a new joystick for my chair, and it would be about four weeks after that before I could get it installed. This would have been devastating news for most people bound to their powerchair.

Not for me. I laugh in the face of impossibility. I smile at the common sense advice to replace the part. I dare to destroy with hope of repair and miraculously it is a success!

I took the control panel apart and evaluated the circuit board. It was pretty. So I unplugged and replugged the wires, and the chair turns on, runs, works!!! It is a Christmas miracle. I have to charge the new batteries, but then my dancing freedom awaits. Hope everyone had a wonderful holiday!



Halloween and kids go together like peanut butter and jelly. A lot of adults are getting into Halloween now too.

Most of my readers know that I’m in a wheelchair, so I’ve been trying to think of some ideas that could incorporate the chair into the costume.

A few years ago I dressed up like a prisoner in an “electric chair”. It was fun and funny. Anyway, there are a lot of kids and adults in wheelchairs, and instead of just dressing up and sitting in a chair, here are some ideas to incorporate and decorate it.


Prince or princess in a throne. (Could probably just buy a princess outfit and some shiny gold material to drape the chair in. Stick on Velcro is a good way to secure the material to keep it out of the wheels.

Jack in the box- dress torso in stripes representing the spring and wear white mittens and doll type face makeup. A large upside down box painted bright colors can be the box. You should use an additional piece of cardboard against the backrest like the lid. And make a tinfoil handle you could attach to the box.

If you are an adult, the jack in the box idea could be turned into a stripper in a gift box. Stuff tissue paper around your legs, and wear a sexy top with a large bow on your head.

That’s all I can think of so far. If anyone has ideas, feel free to share them in the comments.

Forget this Middle-Age Crap, I Want to be Old

I’m 31…not right in the heart of middle age, but no spring chicken either (who ever thought of that expression spring chicken…sounds like some farmer who might have loved his animals a little too much). Along with having the aches … Continue reading

A Life Worth Living?

You would feel the same way if you saw the look in your kids’ eyes. When you can’t tell who is in more pain, you, or your wife watching helplessly. I know the arguments. I know the reasons. I used to believe them too. Believe them…hell, I preached them…

“Your life is not in your hands! It is appointed unto man once to die. Does that say it is appointed unto man once to feel sorry for himself? It is appointed unto man once to feel some pain? If God wanted you to take your life, he would have put an “easy” button on our bodies so we could check out any time the going gets rough. GOD is the one who decides. He can heal or destroy. Blessed be the name of the Lord in sickness and in health.”

Oh yeah, I believed it alright. I’ll never forget the pained look in Stephanie’s eyes after she talked to me about her mom…

“Pastor Bill, what if someone is hurting…scared…”

“You must believe. You must have faith. There is a reason that she is still here. Don’t give in to the temptation to take the easy way out. I know that it is hard, but God can heal! You can’t forget that. He can take her mind and make it sharp again. If he can stop the mouths of lions, don’t you believe he can give your momma some peace?”

“I know he can. He could…you don’t understand though. She doesn’t know who we are. She is scared of the nurses, driven to madness by the constant beeping. If she has a clear moment, she begs us to take her life. The only reason she is even alive now is because of the medications they pump into her.”

“I am sure it is hard. She needs you to be strong…”

We never did finish that conversation. That is the problem with being a pastor. There is always someone waiting in line to shake your hand and tell you “nice sermon”. She probably didn’t think I cared. I know I didn’t fully understand…

I do now though. How the accident happened, I still can’t remember, but I will never forget the look in my kids eyes when they realized I had just lost control of my bowels. The fear in my wife’s face as she realized that the church would only cover the immediate costs from the accident, not the costs of a few months of inpatient care, and a year, if I’m lucky of home health. “Health” in which I will be lucky to remember who my wife is, as the internal injuries slowly kill me. No one should have to watch their kids wipe their dad’s ass or watch their wife give up her life to care for someone whose “life” isn’t really living at all.

Hobbler’s note: I need to know any objections to assisted suicide. Also any views for it. I wrote that story as fiction, but there are many people in far worse shape than anything I can imagine. Please share your opinions. I was born to take this debate to the next level, and this is your chance to make a difference.

I almost died today. More serious than last time I said that.

Hmmm, where to begin…the police? Being pushed around? That strange guy picking me up? Other people asking me if I was okay?

Just so you know, I am okay. You didn’t think this evil genius would be defeated so easily right?

Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess who was locked in a tower. She became bored often with the tower that she never wanted to clean, so when the opportunity came to run an errand at the local homicide market, she happily seized the moment.

The errand went well, much to her astonishment, since she had to weave her way through mazes, with demons lurking all around. Since she made it through the homicide market in record time, she decided to run a less important errand to the land of “Spending on Junk”.

After she spent her well-earned time and plenty of money in the Spending part of town, she prepared for the return journey home. She organized the merchandise she had wasted her money on and departed at a steady clip toward her tower which she kept wishing would have magically cleaned itself.

She was less than a mile away, when suddenly and without warning her steed stopped mid stride. Weirdeth, she thought, and attempted to bribe, coerce, coax, etc. her steed into moving. Alas, it was not to be.

To make matters worse, her horse had stopped in the middle of an extreme danger zone. Demons were riding around on monstrosities designed to tear limbs away from bodies, and other horrendous things. Maybe I could push him to a safer area the princess thought to herself, but then remembered the night many years ago when a “let’s make life harder than it already is” angel of mischief touched her body. Her health had deteriorated since then to the point where she could only push things, especially heavy things with the help of her steed, which needed help now.

She got her magic summoner out of her side pouch and summoned the dark lords of the homicide market to attempt to earn some sympathy before being torn apart by the mad dash of demons who would rather play with their own summoning devices than watch who might be in the way of their exit from hell.

Then, a white-haired maiden appeared out of no where and asked the princess if she needed help. The princess was very grateful for the assistance in getting out of the middle of the road. The white-haired maiden pushed the princess and her steed into a shady spot in hell’s parking lot. Soon the princess was approached by others who offered their own assistance, and her fairy mother in law came and picked up the stuff from the “Spending on Junk” store. Her fairy mother in law also went to the princess’s house to assist the princesses pets in entering the house when they got done with obedience school.

Meanwhile, an officer of the law found the princess and used his summoning device to summon a strange man with a “steed equipped” van to transport the princess and her steed home.

The end.

Kind of, except now the princess is down one magical steed and must use her donkey to transport her around, while she waits on the steed vets to fix whatever is wrong with her bigger/stronger ride. Hopefully whatever it is will be under some kind of warranty because those particular steeds are about 30,000 dollars. (Someone is obviously ripping someone off with those things).

The more real for being a fairy tale end.

This still might not be as serious as what it, in theory could be, but it was the middle of the exit of a highschool parking lot when school was getting out. If that isn’t death-defying, I don’t know what is.